Remininscing

I just need to remind myself the days and times which were tough.. It’s been a year since my sweet-painful yet memorable Ironman journey. I skipped this year’s and aiming for next year’s (2011). I miss those long rides and bricks. The open water in at PD with Steve, Azmar, Major Kalam and his 2 boys. hahaa.. and the masak2 night before Ironman.  I must admit it was a pretty tough time for me. I was looking at my old and not-worth-my-memory fotos(which should have been deleted months ago. ive like thousands of pics!)  in Facebook before writing this post and all I could ask myself was, ‘I actually went through all this..?’ It was psychologically and emotionally challenging  for me on the days leading towards the race, the race eve itself. Generally last year was a very challenging year.. However race morning was ok..The race has started to settle in.. On the running course Steve my friend, broke a news to me. Uhm, Ms Ironman-to-be cant help but fight back  the tears while..uhmm..running that last 42km run leg.I failed .. Thanks to the Oakley shades I was able to hide em tears and uhm..you know,become another heartless Zombie and continue the run.

Ironman was, is and will be a personal quest for me. Very personal that I am particularly sensitive to those who mocks the distance and do not show prestige and respect to the event and those involved in it.But of course ensuring that everyone has a great time on the course is also important. Having the supporters around us throughout the race is like a life line. Just imagine how dead a race would be without them?  The way I challenge myself in life is by doing what I really want to do.Not just say I wanna do it. Do it, prove it and when these are done, then I am able to some extent inspire people and friends, to be positive and confident in what they aspire to do. Well, not to brag about it lah !  Don’t let people tell you or decide for you. You decide, you commit and you prove it. Not for anybody else, but yourself. As simple as that. And I did just that. I thought I did ok in the OD races and half Ironman race before Ironman. Did my best 10k pb during the 2nd run in Powerman 2008, thats when my nose actually bled thanks to the hot blazin Manjung heat + sun. But it was all good. I had series of tan lines from training and the various races and .. I didn’t like the sight of it. Its cool, but too much, I look like a clown lah. haha..anyways..

I am looking forward to a better year this year. Its nearing April people. Wake up!! I’ve been busy myself attending to other more important priorities the past few months. Looking forward for April 3rd though, thats when I can finally lift some burden off my shoulder. And June 27th, another big date which I am looking forward to. Also getting my fitness level and training back slowly .

If you would, do respect any fellow triathlete’s decision if they decide to do or not to do an Ironman, or for any race for that matter. With me, to do or not do an Ironman is ‘just’ another decision. Doesn’t mean I have to do every year, or every other year. And I don’t owe any explanation to anyone . Its annoying too when some people think  that I should feel guilty for not registering.. I mean..duh !! What’s the whole point of doing it if I am not committed, prepared or even have time to train ? It feels funny when a fellow friend can look at me ‘in’ surprise to find out that I didn’t do the race this year. And its not as though  they do Ironman themselves.  And its not a big deal either when a friend does back to back Ironman. As long as the person knows what he’s doing and ensuring the stress put on his system doesn’t in the end blow him up. I was on the course in Langkawi this year to support all my friends, and that’s equally important too. Even trying to pace a friend who nearly gave up at the 16th hour on the run course but I told him hey, don’t give up. Just keep on going. And if you’re not sure how many laps you gotta do, ask the marshal when u reach the U-turn point. Dear friend was already impatient that he wanted ME to go find out..uhmm, ok..so I did. I asked Rahman (Navy) who was sitting and supporting from street side. Then told my friend he’s got 2 more laps to go, but he still was not satisfied. I tried suggesting him to do fartlek since he’s been walking..at least can save a few minutes, but his response was ‘ahh, takde kerja ahh..’. Basically he was mentally drained. He thought that fartlek would not save him. I wouldn’t know either as I did not look at my watch to check how long does he have before cut off. Just told him to just go on. And don’t waste the time, energy, money, commitment he has put in making it to the start line. If he gives up before the cut off, it would be a huge waste. I was tired and exhausted myself. Knew later that my friend did finish the race before the cut off. Good for him.

I find it difficult to find time for training these couple of months .. My mind is drained. Finishing up reports, etc..Tired, exhausted, psychologically tested, emotionally drained.. but alhamdulillah better compared to a few months ago, and obviously better than this time around last year.. ahaks.. this crazy short life of mine. I’ve a piece of white hair sprouting out of my scalp. Just a piece. A short piece. Quite cute that I decided not to cut it or anything. I never coloured my hair, so let the white hair stay there.  I need some form of reminder that the time does stop for any man. I had a few frustrations a couple of weeks ago, but decided to just forget and drop about the whole matter. I told myself, I am not that other dependent variable. let me the IV. Let me be that independent variable.

You know when you’re hoping for something or expected to get something but in the end nothing happens, you’ll sit by yourself and ask, ‘Do I really need this..?’. And i came to a conclusion, (thanks Azhar), that I am on my own and to prove that I am strong mentally, physically and psychologically, I would be able to take on this ‘petty’ challenge. So here I am, busy with my studies, and for once having that consistency of focusing and paying attention.. Received high marks for my lab based stats, my career psychology class, alhamdulillah.. but still, I think Ironman is much easier than all this even though it was a ‘painful’ Ironman for me.. I did not have a goal (time goal).. maybe 15 hours, or 16 hours.. seriously, i dont know how to budget the time etc.. all that I was worried of was my swim.  I came out at 1:35.. thats 25 minutes before 2 hours..ok… then bike.. i enjoyed it especially at the hills and then the run.. strategy was to run non stop, no matter how slow i ran.just run.

Then came the finish line.. Sincerely, I was like..clueless..uhmm..emotion-less..? ok..i crossed the line.. smiling and all..posed for the cameras with the Powerbar towel..ok….and then what..? Went to the shower and medical area.. i think I was there for around 10 minutes or less chit chatting with Fong. And then..? Went out to the finish line to wait for my other friends to come in. The energy level followed through..It wasn’t till the next day that I felt soooo drained.. The picture below is me in the morning after the race.. it could simply sum up the rantings and ramblings mentioned in the previous paragraphs..and still numero uno in front of a camera is smile.

I look like I just came back from a funeral..all puffed up.. when i mentioned about the demerits of having tan lines.. just look at the foto here.. 3 colour tones..face, arm, chest, all different ..not nice la..hahah… but what to do right. Passion over vanity?

To all my friends who did Ironman Langkawi, and those special few who I know who did the IM China as well, congratulations !!!  Simon, Sofian & Carmen, you guys rock !!!! and to those of you doing Aviva Singapore 70.3, all the best too 🙂 (p.s. JenJen this goes out to ya !!) Let’s see what other events..oh ya.. the KL Towerthon 2010 is just around the corner..all the best to all of you towerthoners. Please take extra care of those knees eh and do refer to my previous posting on the importance of stretching your muscles !  The energizer run is next right? All the best again 🙂 Cheers. missJeweLz