Why I Don’t Need a Live-in Helper

Strange it is we go to the extend of justifying the fact we don’t need a full-time live in helper. That’s the fact. Social cues do put pressure to families (moms especially) as they are so used to do house chores, have a routine and don’t have to worry of her AND his comfort to rome about their homes freely without bumping into an ‘outsider’. Then the kids. Without a live-in helper, kids can see their parents doing work and also as they grow, help with the chores too. Of course my respect to all who have helpers. Its all matter of choice. A well thought one.

Just sharing my situation and dilemma whenever this topic is raised within my circle. I think of the logistics ie whenever i travel. Space, $$$$$ (yes think of that extra air ticket), then the rooms. I don’t think i want to share a room with another woman with my husband behind the same door! So cringy (much!) but I am rolling down to my facts! It all goes down to practicality and suitability depending on our personal circumstances, comfort and preference.

Talking about practicality, my sweet abode (alhamdulillah) is enough to house my little family. Planning to turn 1 room to a study. But now its cluttered with lots of stuff. Wardrobe cum luggage bag area, library as where all my books are. And now a maid in there. When my kids are older and need their space, where shall I place them?? In the balcony ?? Remember a helper even paid, is a guest. Like it or not. They come. And after some times they eventually leave.

You also need to ensure their privacy, and their right to lay down in peace at night, in their own comfort !! How uncomfortable would that be having family members go in and out of a multi-function room which also doubles as the helper’s room. ( i have 3 rooms so you know). And there’s the toilet/shower. One is a shared one separated from the rooms, and another in the master bedroom. For whatever reason husband loves the one outside the room. Heck he will be going in an out of the room to the toilet with a helper lurking around.. haha… what’s worse I can imagine how weird it is would be for the helper. What, get dressed in the shower right after the warm shower? I am going to the minute details here so that if any of us come across a similar situation and need to justify why a live in helper is not needed, these are the points.

Perhaps it’s the way I was raised also. To be independent and not having clean after me. Turned out to be good as I am independent from a young age. Scrubbing the shower tile? Painting the gate? Throwing rubbish into the dumpster? Not a problem. Laundry? Tidying the house? These are skills not limited to the household. Especially for the kids.

When they go out there in the real world they need to everything by themselves. Study, work, what have you. Most times alone too. Then what better nurturing ground than the home! There are lots of skills and knowledge gained here additional to the ones at school. In fact, the home IS their first school and parents their first teacher. Definitely not risking all this given the dependability of things surrounding this ‘mere’ topic.

I had a friend who recently said ‘you je belum ada maid..’.. i have to admit i was stunned. Didn’t see that coming. I can’t blame such a simplistic way to put an end to a conversation just like that. Puts me off but don’t worry i am still in a good relation with my buddy. I appreciate that lifestyles, and ability to take in a person in households are different. Hence the perspective will definitely follow. Mak tak kisah.

I also don’t want to risk any other influence of role modelling /parenting/caring other than that of me and my spouse. I can also imagine how advantageous is it for me to go about my activities just because i have a helper. Cycling and running.. socializing. All things will have its time and place. I don’t want to be doing everything even if i have the ability to. It makes prioritising easier.

My priority now is to raise my kids and be with them. Occasionally when i do need time to do other things, only then i will seek help. Its easier this way for me this way. So again, its a personal preference. Just like others who opt to have a live-in. Respect that preference and never impose what we deem ideal to others especially when we do not know or try to understand their circumstances.



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