The blackout

That feeling and sensation when you are looming in pitch darkness. You are not quite sure what to do,where to move and how to even begin thinking what to do next.

You may choose to accept the darkness and ‘continue’ to do whatever that needs to be done,besides you still have your other capable senses functioning. You may also have chosen to wait and see if any hero will come to the rescue. It always happens in the books and movies ! OR, you can start looking for a solution– either by getting out of the room,or stay in the room and search for a source of light as you know how that darkness have a slow but yet a crippling effect on you especially once it starts crawling up your neck and into your soul.

Then you recall and realise the greatness of having a light or sunshine– It has lit up your entire life, well at least before the BLACKOUT. You continue to search for that light. At the far end of that room, is another person..but  you are not quite sure who. He or she doesn’t seem to react to your mumbles as you score the walls and floor for a solution.


What’s this fuss all about?

That person has lost hope ( apparently,according to this story line). To him ( or could it be a ‘her’?) what happens ,happens. Nothing can be done. You continue your struggle alone now knowing how hopeless it is to rely on somebody else who is ignorant, weak and silent. He ( or she) acknowledges the darkness but chose to ignore it. Close one eye,or both,the view is pretty much the same. ‘What’s all this fuss about? ‘ this person whispers..

So lets ask ourselves for once which character are we..? If that character is not listed here,chances are you might not be in that dark room at the first place. You are outside. Aware of whats going on inside you can choose to be i) ease the burden of those inside  ii) add to their sorrow or iii) choose to acknowledged but ignore their miseries by pretending to be concerned when in fact you haven’t lifted a single finger to help.

The reality

You chose to close one eye and continue to complain on slow internet and how the refrigerator in the kitchen is running out of space. Your phone battery is about to die off but you manage to play a game of Bejeweled Blitz or two and in the interim expressing your ‘dismay’ to those trapped in the dark room. You continue to play another round of Bejeweled Blitz.

Its been a blackout period to those who ‘feel’ for the Palestinians. May Allah grant them strength,courage and sabr. I’m in the mix (emotionally).. there are channels to help and reach out to them. Deep inside I know I haven’t done anything much. At guilt. I hardly comment on the heartbreaking photos of young shaheedsc. I reserve my comments and turn those into questions. Many questions are unanswered,and many problems haven’t been resolved because those essential questions have not been answered.


Wake up call, again

Its been a blackout period for me because I am loomed in that darkness.. and not sure where to begin. The soul searching begins in this last 10 days of Ramadhan and its apparent to me this is what I want to share with the rest of you reading. Does not make sense for me to write ‘how to save $ for eid/raya celebration’ or how to train for a triathlon. Doesn’t sync with the psychological turmoil which I am going through. And now with the gunning down of Malaysian Airlines #MH17. Na’uzubillah.


Back to Gaza

To me,true understanding of whats happening in Gaza (and else where) is as important. We can continue to sympathize and extend our help to the victims of this oppressed state but we’ll never get to the bottom of it until we fully understand why  it happened.

I’m a staunch believer in history and how it tends to repeat itself. What those people saw during the Holocaust, the apartheid, Iraqi war, etc.. its the same story and over. Country leaders toppled,human lives wiped out. So are we just going to sit and become another spectator,or start taking steps to end all this evil..? Never be shy to read and dig up more of the story from both sides and see where you stand and how you can step into help.

Also note that Allah does not test any ummah or insan unless its bearable to them. I believe the Palestinians shall make it through,and the rest of us to give support and help to our brothers,sisters and children in Palestine. You dont have to be a Muslim to give and show support for Gaza/ Palestine. The rallies around the world are proof how the world comes in solidarity,for a common goal.

What sets you apart from those who choose to be ‘silent’ and those who wants join in to help.. ? I will let you answer that in your own time.

The internet connection at my home is garbage and I’m left writing this on my phone. Fridge is running out of space– time to reshuffle the goods inside. Daughter was sick and mummy was ‘suffering’ from cold and flu– monthly report due next week and sustainability report to be completed by tomorrow. All this worldly miseries are NOTHING, compared to the reality on the other side. I’m fasting, breaking fast to good and more than enough food to last the week. One lady was bombed while waiting for iftar — leaving blood in her plate of food.

Some of us are already planning for vacation, a trip to the beautiful beautiful beaches in Turkey or Greece ( and still deciding between the two). 4 kids were killed playing on the beach in Gaza. I have a beautiful daughter,somebody’s son was bombed leaving a huge whole in his skull for the whole world to view,and share on Facebook yet some of us are still taking things for granted.. We fail to pay attention to our kids and continue to yell at them all the time to justify our parenting style and anger. .until they’re gone of course.

Young shaheeds 

I know my munchaquila is God sent soul. I was chosen to be her mother and. I am responsible in her care taking and upbringing. She IS the investment for me,like how all the young shaheeds are in Palestine– for their parents and family. I am sure they are all in Jannah now praying for their parents forgiveness and that they may be united soonest possible. The earth is just a transition where we leave our deeds and wisdom. What do you want to leave when you eventually go..?

Blackout is a test and whoever in that room better buck up and stay united to get out of the darkness. Those outside the room,be prepared to get these people out soon ! They deserve light and sunshine like you.

Note: my friend Mafeitzeral Mamat  is among the medical team who left KLIA last night to assist in Palestine. May Allah bless the entourage,the trip and work in Palestine,and for their trip bad to Malaysia InsyaAllah.


Al Fatihah

Al Fatihah also to the crash victims of #mh17 . Another test for us Malaysians. Lets stay united. Undivided. And stop spreading ‘aib’ orang on your social media. Its as good as backbiting. Allahualam. ( Allah Knows best)





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