Numb is good

Hmm… mixed feelings… hard to describe. I can’t afford to be frustrated or sad coz Leos are suppose to be the calm ones .. Trying very hard to cope and sustain what’s left of the drained energy. So uhmm.. I don’t know…here’s what i wrote in my fb status..

“Well..i dont know how to feel.Nvm..Next report due Monday&freakin team mates not pro active.Im drained & tired.Bangun pagi,laptop,during class,still working..after class, still working with the laptop..stayed back,with d laptop.In d comfort of my room,laptop again.Now with d mixed news & unshared announcements, i think i had enuff..Havent had dinner.Im facing this,& i wont give up lor.but still terasa la jugak. ”

I had a non-news for the past month.. there was a good news which was supposed to be relayed to me officially. But it didn’t happen, even till this moment I am typing this. While some of my good friends are celebrating this, I am uhmm.. just left blank and clueless. I want to feel happy but nothing is affirmative. When its near true, nothing is confirmed. So there, an inner conflict which only I can feel. The accumulated bits of stressed proved too much of me. Was sobbing and crying to myself a bit, and felt better alhamdulilah. Not that I can’t handle them. Just needed that outlet to be open for once and let everything that needed to be expressed and channeled out are done as soon as possible. Even spoke to my dad and he said he’s proud of me and he loves me very much, and that I should have confidence in myself.The good news, I received an offer for an internship program with an airline company but had to turn it down coz I still have classes at that time.

Gosh.. I was sad a moment ago, and now I feel so different.. Been a while since i had a long cry. I just have to remind myself again of the people, things and lovin’ in life which makes me happy. I am happy for myself, family and friends. I won’t expect happiness to come rolling the path which  I’m taking my life. I have to work and continue to move towards it. You reap what you sow baby.  Leo have to be hard  core metal right?  Iron is just too soft. hahah.. but don’t underestimate Ironman. You can tell A LOT by looking how one trains and race, and what attitude do they go by before finishing the race, or before giving up.

I’ll take it a day at a time.. Be strong missjewelz. 🙂 To my friends who greeted and gave me the moral support and boost that I needed, thank you. I feel better already now. p.s. This post may be short, but it took me nearly 2 hours to get everything together. Was chatting with a friend halfway, and then the sob sob cry cry quarter of the way, then chit chatting with another friend, before uploading the fotos u can see below.