Salam and greetings to all. Just a simple post to thank all of you who wished and greeted me on my birthday (August 3rd) . This year I was not really looking forward to the special day. Maybe because nothing is really ‘happening’ at this moment of my life. I’ve slowed down on my training as well as my participation in races. My body needs rest, and my mind needs to concentrate on other priorities. But I assured myself I will still have sports in the top 5 priorities. I haven’t worked out and train for almost a week now. The feeling is not great at all. I’ve been eating, and eating, and not working out. I’m not an exercise geek, freak neither am I a hardcore sports person who ya know, train day in and day out !
But the past few weeks, especially post Port Dickson triathlon, has been ‘fat’ weeks for me. The feeling is oh-so-unhealthy. I’m like ever-lazy to do anything . Even to eat !! Now that’s not a good sign. Other disasters; sleeping supa late and waking up early. In other words, I’ve been slashing my sleep time somewhere between 20-30% now. Now I must admit that sleeping late does not have anything to do with work strain or anything of that sort. Mostly due to the fact I am so hay wired rite now, that I can’t even prioritize the things that I should no, ending up doing the wrong things at the wrong time, and not having that sufficient time to do certain thing !
But nevertheless, I’m still happy because I’m ‘slowing down’ and allow myself to project what I have done before, what I’m currently doing now, and what I will be doing in the near future. You know when you’re on a roller-coaster ride you just scream and scream ?! The thrill never ends. That ride will certainly come to an end, but when you’re in that seat with the safety belt/bar strapped on you, with your friends also yelling away, you’ll have that thrill injected into you, that cardiac muscles pumping away and the adrenaline rushing all over your system that it doesn’t actually matter how long the ride takes. You’re enjoying that moment, how long or how brief.It’s the moment that you’ve been enjoying so much that matters. The ride comes to an end, and you retreat back to your real consciousness, still having that remainding ‘rush’ feeling in you. You feel good, walk out of the roller coaster smiling and turning to your friend sneakily saying ‘Hey, let’s go for another round!’. Your friend peeked a sneaky grin back at you while nodding his head.
There you go, Case 1.You’re not holding back , you’re not controlling and you just wanna have fun. There are 2 ways you wanna look at this particular case. When you haven’t had enough, you want more. You want to have it there and then. The other way is; you think you haven’t got enough, and you just want more. And you want it just because of the sake of having it. 🙂
You jump out from the roller-coaster car, beaming away. You grab your mate’s hand asking if he/she wants to have another ride. Your mate says to you, ‘It’s ok. I had enough fun already. We can save it for the next time!’. ‘Ok! ‘you reply eventhough you really wanted to have another thrilling round.
You’re in control. Yes you had fun, but you manage to hold yourself back knowing that you can always come back. 🙂 It’s not the end not going for the ride 2 times in a row. You realize thrill and fun is not everything. And you certainly can have your doses from time to time, at other times yeah.. 🙂
I’ve experienced a case 1 before. Simply out of control. Maybe because I was greedy.Maybe what I cared before was more of my own satisfaction. In other words,I just didn’t care .Maybe I did care about other things but the weight seems to land more on my own self and what I desire most. I can be out of control. But I am not out of control all the time !
Now that I’m retreating, and I don’t mind missing out on sports ,races,training and stuff, I can boldly share with you that I finally am getting that grip secured. Life is all about learning, and reacting differently in various situations. I am learning to accept that having fun and thrill all the time can make me miss out on other things. When you slow down that pace, you’ll realize you will definitely appreciate things more. You have that time to actually look, observe, perceive, process, analyze, comprehend and react to the things which you pass through in life. Whether it is your academia, your work, your problems, your love life, your loved ones, your family.. So its not actually a bad thing to take it easy, to hold certain things back, and realizing that there has to be a give and take in all that we do. Case 2 review, the person who asked his/her friend if he/she is interested to go another for another ride reacted positively when the friend said that they can go for the ride next time. Holding back elegantly and not hurting his own feelings or his friends’.
But in reality, this can be hard ya know.. It has been hard for me. Not being able to take part in Desaru and some race this year.. It wasn’t easy. And perhaps, no making it to Ironman next year. So what ? you may ask . Yeah you can say whatever you wanna say. But I’ve been very very patient. Holding back, missing training etc. For the past few months I’ve been tending to my left knee. It’s not strong enough, and the doctor’s advice was to take it easy. Simply, I shouldn’t be stressing my knees at all. It has been busted before. I’ve mended it patiently for the past 6 months. Now that’s a long time for someone like me.. Being told into the face that I might hafta skip Ironman Langkawi 2010 so that I can start the triathlon season fresh. Lutut ni nak pakai lama. So uhhm, kena la jaga right ?! I’m also not supposed to do any squats/lunges .. and hafta be extra extra careful when doing hills. It’s not easy too not sharing this. I did the sprint duathlon series recently just to keep me going, and at the same time, I wasn’t pushing. To the extent I was so surprised when I met Stephanie Chok at T2. I was like.. ‘what ?!’ , ‘betul ke nie..?’, and overtaking her at the 2nd run, and got myself 1st place! It’s the same reaction I had exactly a year ago when both of us took part in the sprint duathlon series in UKM. I met her at T2 also. She might be slowing down since for her own reasons and I just happen to pace up. But still, I consider it , still,an achievement (at least to myself!), because I would never never be able to catch her at T1 in triathlon races ! Maybe one day, who knows !!
Like all of you, I am learning, and will keep this process going till I die. For a sports enthusiast, it does take determination to really discipline yourself on what you’re doing and what you’re going to do next. Take your steps cautiously. You run too fast you don’t check where you’re going and Wham! your foot struck something on the ground. You stumble, you fall on your chin. Ouch! No pain?! yeah, for a short while until you got up to continue running, this time more cautiously. Now you feel the pain..! There, you got your lesson already! 🙂
I turned 27 ,6 days ago. I am feeling a wee bit ‘older’ now. 27 is not just a number. It is an indicator showing that ‘I have more things to look forward into life, I’m still young and I am certainly looking forward for more and more things to do/to experience and make happen’. Happiness and love is my ultimate aim. I hate it to hate people, and it hurts me to have ignorant and heartless people reacting blindly to me, personally or otherwise , or to the things that I love doing. You may enjoy stabbing your friends at the back. Again, its the ‘enjoyment’ of the moment. You feel thrilled and good that you are indeed talking bad about your friend not knowing that you’re just messing the charcoal over your own face, respect and dignity. I hate judging people, I try my best not to interfere with others’ personal life as much as I’ve tried to respect and have good thought of the people , friends and ‘friends’ around me. I may sound a bit cynical here, but, when you’ve crossed the border, there’s simply no rewind. My life is short here on earth, and I do not deserve to be treated like a fool. It takes effort to achieve something so beautiful, so small, so intangible, these things called peace love. And I’m not going to let anyone destroy my strive to achieve these elements. You reap what you sow. So if it is the seed of love that you plant, than love is what you get. But if it is hate seed that you plant, then hatred it is that you get along with a mental block, the tendency of judging people and labeling them. I may sound bias here. But, personally, people who judges others, and being so ignorant in their act, does not have a place in my heart, they just turn me off. When you cross the border, there’s no rewind. I may forgive, but I can never forget. Now, is this a Leo speaking or what ?!!! (wow,,, i surprised myself already !!)
My 27th birthday was not exciting at all except for when friends and loved ones started sending SMSes and wishes on FB (and also celebrating with my family!) . 1 thing about technology, it makes us lose the ‘real’ human touch. In certain aspects of my life, its the intangible that matters. For example, its not how much money is given to you but its how much love you can give and share! Money does not translate into love. And love can’t always be measured by this sign here –> $$ (so pamper your kids with love or material?!) . I love love. I’m ‘poor’ if I lack love, I’m still ‘poor’ even if I’m earning a million bucks but still lack some lovin’. Sometimes in life, its not just about how much effort that you put in to build and achieve that desired life, but more importantly is how creative you are in appreciating the human ‘value’ that you can achieve with what you have. You may be living in a small hut somewhere, but you’re definitely not lack of spirit and love if you work for it. This is what makes you continue and enjoy your live. There’s value, there’s meaning to it, and the best part of all, you know when you’re having enough.
So back to Case 2, that person knows when enough is enough. I am getting this idea in my head that learning to control myself and what I want isn’t as easy as letting the rein loose. I wish the same for all of you. Learn to learn, no matter how old, matured, how experienced , successful or rich you are.
To my dearest family, daddy, mummy, abang, adik, Iskandar, and my younger siblings (yes I’ve a few more adiks!), I love all of you, and I really really appreciate all the things you’ve done in shaping my personality, and all the love that we’ve shared. To my friend who wished me on my birthday, Thank You.
To my dad, Happy Birthday !!!! My dad is also a Leo, his birthday was yesterday (8/8). Kash, Lydia, Victor Loh, Amy Yusuf, Fatin, Syazna, Kak Diha, Kak Dina, Aya Lam, Kak Farah and all the Leos out there, you guys rock !!!!!!!!!Okay, I better get back to my offline reality now..work ! You all have a great Sunday and a great week ahead. Peace and love y’all !
Dedicating this video I found on you tube to all of you out there ! Its full of love. (click on the link! )
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