This is, currently, the most sedated period of my life. The barbiturates and diazepam were induced to me around a month ago, and have continued to lag me, decreasing my interest in some major aspects of my life. What used to be my top priority has been shifted to a few levels down. I’m the patient and the chief surgeon at the same time. and now I’m telling myself be and stay strong so that I could get a grip of myself back, yet the sedation continues to wear me down to the extent that I can’t bear it any longer. ‘Let it be’ is the status now ? (just like The Beatles ) No way ! But how long more can I handle my insensitive senses and guilty perceptions? Where is the lion in me? (yes I am a Leo).. Am I making any or enough effort to revive my soul back and also overcome the lethargic side-effect?
….I’m regaining some pulse back..there are signs telling me that I will make it through, no matter how long, no matter how hard. Living is not only about focusing on bad medical history or troubled pasts. Its also about looking forward to a better tomorrow. There is a cure, there should be a therapeutic and soul-istic intervention. And this procedure will be led by chief surgeon Jewelz. She is doing her best to bring back the ‘lion’ in her, her soul and her life. It takes nearly 4-5 years to get a scroll in medical degree, so that you can practice to help the sick and another couple of years before you get to be a specialist.. But to get a PhD to learn and know yourself may take a life time. You may not know if whats best for you now will still be good for you in the future, and you also don’t know if the things you hate most right now, is actually waiting and wishing that you change your mind because it is actually whats better and ideal for you. Humans are not God. we may dejavu but we can’t tell.
To err is human. Because all human make mistakes. We have to forgive too yeah ! And we must not take err too hard to the extent we find it difficult even to think of a solution for the slightest of problem. But musn’t take it too easy as well ! Besides on just relying on our rational brains, we have to take into account our mind also, and on top of that our faith,belief and strength. Its never a one-sided victory if i do overcome an err/dilemma. I can’t be rationally happy and yet in my heart and mind, things are not looking so pretty. Some of us do pretend that we’re satisfied with our life, thanks to the constant income and supportive families and friends, and that we don’t to really have to think outside the box to seek what’s really missing. Do you get what I’m trying to say here? Or am I talking too softly ?
Ok, back to the sedation story. This patient will overcome the sedation because she has had more than enough being clueless ,hopeless and pointless throughout the surgery that she rather feel pain and hit back to reality than stay unconscious while the mess around her continues to grow. She WILL wake up pretty soon, fights the side effects and come back pretty strong, optimistic and determined. Determined that she will be in control again after losing it the past 1-2 months. HAVE HOPE.
Before being discharged by the chief surgeon, she said ‘I thank you and your team for the assistance, I really appreciate it, but I owe it to God that I’m still alive and for helping me find myself, and my courage.’. Note that she said ‘owe it to God’ and not ‘also owe it’.. I think the patient has found her lion back anyways..well..end of story.
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She sees hope
What’s your say on this? This is suppose to be an self-realization essay-journal of some sort, tho I’m not sure of the exact classification of this writing. Thank you for reading it to the last letter. I appreciate the time. And would be very glad if you could respond to the post. God Bless you all .
missJewelz 
Setbacks are always there in life. You just need to pickup yourself and go back strong again. I know you can make it.
The Leo in Me
I m Missjewelz
Juliana Ali
Sedated with barb
Pumped with diazepam
Declined interest in life
oh my goodness
topsy turvy priority
that aint healthy
I’m the patient
and the chief surgeon
and now I’m telling myself
get a grip of myself
be and stay strong
but the sedation
its just too damnation
what will I be
‘Let it be’ ?
No way !
I will do it my way
But how long more
can I handle my insensitive senses
and guilty perceptions?
Trials and tribulations
Where is the lion in me?
to revive my soul back
to overcome the lethargic side-effect?
….I’m regaining some pulse back..
there are signs telling me
that I will make it through,
I really hope so
I do I do
no matter how long,
no matter how hard
I will persevere
Like a st bernard
Living is not only about focusing
on bad medical history or troubled pasts
but fellas…
It’s about looking forward
to a better tomorrow
in spite of all the sorrow
There is a cure
there should be therapeutic
and soul-istic
led by chief surgeon Jewelz.
She is doing her best
to bring back the ‘lion’ in her,
her soul and her life
You may not know if whats best for you now
will still be good for you in the future,
and you also don’t know if the things you hate most right now,
is actually waiting and wishing that you change your mind
and hopefully you will find
because it is actually whats better and ideal for you
perhaps its dejavu
To err is human
I m a woman
We have to forgive too yeah !
What do you say ?
And we must not take err too hard
too difficult even to think of a solution
But musn’t take it too easy as well !
Besides on just relying on our rational brains,
must take into account our mind also,
and on top of that …
our faith, belief and strength
It’s never a one-sided victory
if i do overcome an err/dilemma
I can’t be rationally happy
and yet in my heart and mind,
things are not looking so pretty
Some of us do pretend
that we’re satisfied with our life,
thanks to the constant income
and supportive families and friends,
and that we don’t to really have to think
outside the box
to seek what’s really missing
Do you get what I’m trying to say here?
Or am I talking too softly ?
This patient will overcome the sedation
because she has had more than enough
being clueless ,
hopeless
and pointless
throughout the surgery
that she rather feel pain
and hit back to reality
than stay unconscious
while the mess around her continues to grow
She WILL wake up pretty soon,
fights the side effects
and come back pretty strong,
optimistic and determined
Determined that she will be in control again
after losing it the past 1-2 months.
Before being discharged by the chief surgeon,
she said ‘I thank you and your team for the assistance,
I really appreciate it,
but I owe it to God that I’m still alive
and for helping me find myself,
and my courage.’
I think the patient has found her lion back
She sees hope
The Leo in Me2
the patient has found her lion back
she dont need dope
no barb nor diazepam in a pac
when she sees hope
when she sees hope
The Leo in Me3
dominant, spontaneously creative and extrovert
In grandeur of manner,
splendor of bearing
and magnanimity of personality,
monarch’s among humans
as the lion is king of beasts.
ambitious, courageous, dominant,
strong willed, positive, independent,
self-confident
uncomplicated,
strongly idealistic,
humane, and beneficent.
have powerful intelligence
and are of a broad philosophical,
sometimes religious, turn of mind.
excessively negative Leonian can be
one of the most unpleasant human beings imaginable,
displaying extreme arrogance,
autocratic pride,
haughtiness,
and excessive hastiness of temper.
a passion for luxury,
emotional indulgence,
Fortunately it is rare
that a Leo is so undisciplined
as to give way thoroughly to vices,
and their tendencies to them are usually balanced
by an innate wisdom.
Leo type is open, sincere, genuine and trusting.
Outgoing, spontaneously warm hearted and plain spoken,
though never lacking in kindliness,
Leos are more disillusioned
than the average
if let down by those they trust.
The Leo in Me4
According to the stars
Leo goes with Aries,
Sagittarius, Gemini, Libra and especially Pisces
Leos are true romantics
very passionate and loving
so much caring
but need to be a skeptic
when being romantic
emotional involvement allows the heart to rule the head
Unless the head and heart are in sync
fate may teach a hard lesson to tolerate
Hi, cool post. I have been thinking about this topic,so thanks for blogging. I will definitely be coming back to your blog. Keep up the good work
thanks !!!
Friendship
Your friend
is your needs answered.
He is your field
which you sow with love
and reap with thanksgiving.
And he is
your board and your fireside.
For you come to him
with your hunger,
and you seek him
for peace.
When your friend speaks his mind
you fear not the “nay” in your own mind,
nor do you withhold the “ay.”
And when he is silent
your heart ceases
not to listen to his heart;
For without words,
in friendship,
all thoughts,
all desires,
all expectations
are born and shared,
with joy
that is unacclaimed.
When you part from your friend,
you grieve not;
For that which you love most in him
may be clearer in his absence,
as the mountain to the climber
is clearer from the plain.
And let there be no purpose in friendship
save the deepening of the spirit.
For love that seeks aught
but the disclosure of its own mystery
is not love but a net cast forth:
and only the unprofitable is caught.
And let your best
be for your friend.
If he must know
the ebb of your tide,
let him know its flood also.
For what is your friend
that you should seek him
with hours to kill?
Seek him always
with hours to live.
For it is his
to fill your need,
but not your emptiness.
And in the sweetness of friendship
let there be laughter,
and sharing of pleasures.
For in the dew of little things
the heart finds its morning
and is refreshed.
Khalil Gibran
Giving
You give but little
when you give
of your possessions.
It is when you give of yourself
that you truly give.
For what are your possessions
but things you keep and guard
for fear you may need them tomorrow?
And tomorrow,
what shall tomorrow bring
to the overprudent dog
burying bones in the trackless sand
as he follows the pilgrims
to the holy city?
And what is fear of need
but need itself?
Is not dread of thirst
when your well is full,
the thirst that is unquenchable?
There are those
who give little
of the much
which they have–
and they give it for
recognition
and their hidden desire
makes their gifts
unwholesome.
And there are those
who have little
and give it all.
These are the believers in life
and the bounty of life,
and their coffer
is never empty.
There are those
who give with joy,
and that joy is their reward.
And there are those
who give with pain,
and that pain is their baptism.
And there are those
who give and know
not pain in giving,
nor do they seek joy,
nor give with
mindfulness of virtue;
They give as in yonder valley
the myrtle breathes
its fragrance into space.
Through the hands
of such as these
God speaks,
and from behind their eyes
He smiles upon the earth.
It is well to give when asked,
but it is better to give unasked,
through understanding;
And to the open-handed
the search for one
who shall receive
is joy greater than giving.
And is there
aught you would withhold?
All you have
shall some day be given;
Therefore give now,
that the season of giving
may be yours
and not your inheritors’.
You often say,
“I would give, but only to the deserving.”
The trees in your orchard
say not so,
nor the flocks
in your pasture.
They give that they may live,
for to withhold is to perish.
Surely he who is worthy
to receive his days
and his nights,
is worthy of all else from you.
And he who has deserved to drink
from the ocean of life
deserves to fill his cup
from your little stream.
And what desert greater
shall there be,
than that which lies
in the courage
and the confidence,
nay the charity,
of receiving?
And who are you
that men should rend their bosom
and unveil their pride,
that you may see their worth naked
and their pride unabashed?
See first that you yourself deserve
to be a giver,
and an instrument of giving.
For in truth
it is life
that gives unto life
while you,
who deem yourself a giver,
are but a witness.
And you receivers…
and you are all receivers…
assume no weight of gratitude,
lest you lay a yoke
upon yourself
and upon him
who gives.
Rather rise together
with the giver
on his gifts
as on wings;
For to be overmindful
of your debt,
is to doubt
his generosity
who has the freehearted earth
for mother,
and God
for father
khalil gibran
Joy and Sorrow
Your joy
is your sorrow
unmasked.
And the selfsame well
from which your laughter rises
was oftentimes filled
with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves
into your being,
the more joy
you can contain.
Is not the cup that you dine
the very cup
that was burned in the potter’s oven?
And is not the lute
that soothes your spirit,
the very wood
that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous,
look deep into your heart
and you shall find
it is only that
which has given you sorrow
that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful
look again in your heart,
and you shall see
that in truth
you are weeping
for that which has been
your delight.
Some of you say,
‘Joy is greater than sorrow,’
and others say,
‘Nay, sorrow is the greater.’
But I say unto you,
they are inseparable.
Together they come,
and when one sits alone with you
at your board,
remember that the other is asleep
upon your bed.
Verily you are suspended
like scales
between your sorrow
and your joy.
Only when you are empty
are you at standstill
and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you
to weigh his gold
and his silver,
needs must your joy
or your sorrow rise or fall.
Kahlil Gibran
Pain
Your pain
is the breaking of the shell
that encloses your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break,
that its heart may stand in the sun,
so must you know pain.
And could you keep your heart in wonder
at the daily miracles of your life,
your pain would not seem less wondrous
than your joy;
And you would accept
the seasons of your heart,
even as you have always accepted
the seasons that pass over your fields.
And you would watch with serenity
through the winters of your grief.
Much of your pain
is self-chosen.
It is the bitter potion
by which the physician within you
heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician,
and drink his remedy
in silence and tranquility:
For his hand,
though heavy and hard,
is guided by the tender hand
of the Unseen,
And the cup he brings,
though it burn your lips,
has been fashioned
of the clay
which the Potter has moistened
with His own sacred tears.
Kahlil Gibran
Pleasure
Pleasure is a freedom song,
But it is not freedom.
It is the blossoming of your desires,
But it is not their fruit.
It is a depth calling unto a height,
But it is not the deep nor the high.
It is the caged taking wing,
But it is not space encompassed.
Ay, in very truth,
pleasure is a freedom-song.
And I fain would have you sing it
with fullness of heart;
yet I would not have you lose your hearts
in the singing.
Some of your youth seek pleasure
as if it were all,
and they are judged and rebuked.
I would not judge nor rebuke them.
I would have them seek.
For they shall find pleasure,
but not her alone:
Seven are her sisters,
and the least of them
is more beautiful than pleasure.
Have you not heard of the man
who was digging in the earth
for roots and found a treasure?
And some of your elders remember pleasures
with regret like wrongs committed in drunkenness.
But regret is the beclouding of the mind
and not its chastisement.
They should remember their pleasures
with gratitude,
as they would the harvest of a summer.
Yet if it comforts them to regret,
let them be comforted.
And there are among you
those who are neither young to seek
nor old to remember;
And in their fear of seeking and remembering
they shun all pleasures,
lest they neglect the spirit
or offend against it.
But even in their foregoing
is their pleasure.
And thus they too find a treasure
though they dig for roots with quivering hands.
But tell me,
who is he that can offend the spirit?
Shall the nightingale offend
the stillness of the night,
or the firefly the stars?
And shall your flame
or your smoke
burden the wind?
Think you the spirit is a still pool
which you can trouble with a staff?
Oftentimes in denying yourself pleasure
you do but store the desire
in the recesses of your being.
Who knows but that which seems omitted today,
waits for tomorrow?
Even your body knows its heritage
and its rightful need
and will not be deceived.
And your body
is the harp of your soul,
And it is yours
to bring forth sweet music from it
or confused sounds.
And now you ask in your heart,
‘How shall we distinguish
that which is good in pleasure
from that which is not good?’
Go to your fields and your gardens,
and you shall learn
that it is the pleasure of the bee
to gather honey of the flower,
But it is also the pleasure of the flower
to yield its honey to the bee.
For to the bee a flower
is a fountain of life,
And to the flower a bee
is a messenger of love,
And to both,
bee and flower,
the giving and the receiving of pleasure
is a need
and an ecstasy.
Kahlil Gibran