26,27,2008,2009 and in control

26 : my age this year
27 : my age next august
2008 : the year im 26 years young
2009 : the year i’ll be 27 years young

 
when i was in my high school years, i cant really  imagine what its gonna be like when i hit the age 20. and now that i’m in my 20s i cant imagine what/where/how i will tun out when i hit the big three-O. working?married? children?sick ? successful ? or still the ‘young’  playful me ?! these kinda questions stay close to me no matter what i do, though they dont like show up all d time in my head. just once in a while when i am doing nothing, and have that time totally to myself  for some reflection and pondering upon.. Mind wonders , imagination goes wild, and ..i begin to think about the past, the future, and how the present moment will link these two.

Recently i was blessed with some luxury time  and space for myself , mysoul,myjewelz… 😛 and my family la of course. And i can see that I’m in this stagnant stage of my life, where nothing goes forward, or backwards. but instead , things are continuously swirling around me. i tend to get the same things happening over and over again. just like a cycle.  and if ‘positive’ 3 things happened me,,, than another ‘negative’ 3 will come along somewhere along that cycle.hits me. and everything will be back to square 1.no nett movement. and back to same old me.

Mysoul has also been ‘quiet’..say the past 1 year..and sometimes leave me drifting away in the calm sea only to be swallowed by the rolling waves. so is that the end? well, subjectively i can almost feel im drifting away. layman term for this thang :  blur case. me blur ?! not in control ?! well, i feel that way sometimes, yeah i do. ‘tak ke mana..’ << meaning you feel like you’re going nowhere. ive been nowhere …seriously.. almost 10 years after SPM i’m nowhere ! i’m not working YET. i’m STILL doing my degree. i didnt do particulary well in med school, but doing much better in my psychology degree.Alhamdulillah 😛  Friends of the same batch and age have been sending wedding invitations .. and i have received almost 30 invites, which i’ve attended NONE but one,and that is Alin’s, one of my closest friend when i was in med school.and insyaAllah another one this Sunday, my senior and also my close friend when i was in highschool, Eddy.

Alin is 26 and has a baby boy now. around 3 or 4 months age Im not so sure. I was joking to her husband telling him to bless his 1st child with a pretty cool name ‘MohdJulian’.. hahha..krazee. but i was joking la of course. My friend’s husband ,Amir , was my highschool senior, same batch with Eddy. I introduced them , Amir and Alin, at my 23rd birthday dinner. hihih… and there goes the first chapter of a wonderful love story. Eddy is 28, 29 next year. My close friend since high-school, and still in touch till today. I’m quite close to his family, and always visited them ever since 98′. I’m so happy for him.FINALLY Eddy’s getting married. Nikah is tomorrow (12/12/2008) after Asar prayers. Most of my seniors from his batch, who are also my friends, are already married.with kids. Looking forward to his wedding this Sunday !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

One time I was chatting with him, and i said…’hey eddy, for the first time in my life im feeling ‘old’ lah.. and i never felt like this before’. And his reply was ‘ha tau takpe.’. this statement came about after i was sharing with him how ‘into myself’ i am nowadays. and how i dont bother to send out greeting cards every raya like i used to , and how i dont bother to ‘surprise’ visit my friends in the east coast and up north like i used to before, and how i couldnt care less of any ‘gathering’ anymore, or pop in a Hi! to anyone or everyone. and he asked me if i know why ? well,the answer was already given in the 1st line of this paragraph.. coz we’re getting older. And as we grow older, that concentration angle narrows down to only 1 particular angle called ‘ourselves’. well, ironically, that is how i think of it. ‘Ourselves’ PLUS anything else which has a strong relation to is. Anything as in anything which you may consider crucial and important to myself, yourself. Be it love, career, interest, passion, money, properties. Anything.. in mycase, its my family, my studies and myself(notice d ‘my’ trend). Sports as the side dish. And hopefully it will be there all my life. It has to be. I cant imagine myself  lazing my butt 24/7 on the chair, on the sofa, on the driver seat, just reading, surfing the net.. hafta get physical also right ?!!! In case it(still talking about sports) moves to the main dish, I’ll let you know. 😛

Okay now back to myself,myjewelz,mysoul. I just hafta get it clear, that patience is a unique virtue. One that you dont wanna mess with. It brings psychological wonder. And I am not afraid to tell myself, ‘hang in there JeweLz!’. coz i am , and will hang in here. Im going to my 3rd year 2nd semester soon.(in case you didnt know, and i know that most of you dont know and couldnt care anyways !) and after this semester is over, i can happily step into my final year. Wether i can finish my studies by end of this year or early 2010, i just hafta prepare for the best, and also for the worse. Some of my friends tell me that they envy me, that im still studying and enjoying some ‘missed’ privileges not enjoyed by them. And some of em even advice me to make full use of this ‘luxury’ . Another friend and also senior, Mohan, who’s now a doctor in Temerloh hospital, once told me how ‘lucky’ i am to have switched from medicine to psychology. Life as houseman/officer and medical officer equals ‘no life’.. life cant and dont resume as normal anymore.. huhuh… well, thats just 1 opinion. So happened my idea and motivation was ‘in sync’ with his !

2009 is just around the corner. No off-the-scale target this year. Just keeping it low key, but achievable. Go Julie !

1.  time to time psychospiritual enhancement. (wutz dis ?!) its a self defined definition. go read this line tagain. :). really hafta concentrate on this one. mysoul has been ignored for the past 12months. it takes some wisdom and effort to really do this…  it makes a zillion lot of difference by those who does and dont take care of their spiritual being.im in the total disaster zone. im aware of that. so ego and worldly fancies aside.. i hafta to take charge here..i really dooooooo…………

2. less races than ’08 please !! .. My ’09 target races..:
     – (Jan 18)GE30k
     – (Feb 28)IM 09
     – A Famosa Tri (TBC May)
     – Kenyir Tri (TBC July)(ntpb)
     – PD Tri(TBC July)
     – Desaru LD Tri
     – Putrajaya 70.3 (ehem…)
     – Penang Bridge International Marathon (TBC Nov)(full marathon)

notice there’s no adventure races and trackmeet. 2 events which was also not in my 2008 list but somehow was ‘influenced’/terjebak.  Ended up getting 4 gold medals for the Pacesetters trackmeet and also 3rd place for the Perhentian Island Challenge(my maiden adventure race!). I suffered but after prize presentation all my sufferings n injuries disappeared. Hahhhahahhahahahah 😛

I lost count of the total races i took part this year, but ive to make sure next year will be lesser !!!

3. Now the side dish is covered, HOPEFULLY (im praying really hard for this okayy ?!), i can and will conquer the main dish to its last bit ! All the best to myself !

4. No more ‘goreng’ kuew teow for my classes, assignments ,  revision period and finals exam. Planning planning planning. I will definitely fail myself if i fail to plan. tatz me. 😛 no random races, just dont work for me.

5. Read and study PHOTOGRAPHY. and practie photoshop. hahaha..

6. Future planning !
Yours,

-missJeweLz-